Credit where credit is due

Also, I feel I should give my friend Em credit for her many contributions to my blog. Except I don't remember how to do that. So, credit to Em! And someday I'll re-figure out how to link to people's blogs, and all will be happiness and roses.

Trying to fix my word cloud

Hey there, gentle readers. It's been years since I posted. I have no apologies. Shit has happened. Let's move on.

I'm posting mainly because someone has alerted me to the existence of a site called Wordle, where you input a bunch of text or a URL, and it generates a word cloud.

I inputted this website, and the largest words (after my name) were "HOMELESS" and "BOOZE".

Obviously it's pulling from the most recent post, over a year ago, but still. I have better things to say for myself, and better things to show for my existence, than homelessness and beer. As such, I feel it necessary to write about literate things so that the word cloud my life creates is filled with lofty concepts like Purpose, Determination, Inspiration and possibly even a little je ne sais quoi (no, I can't spell that, and I can't google it neither).

Also, because dating shenanigans continue, let's note the following:

There is a new dating site called "How About We." The premise is that, rather than giving a laundry list of your perfect mate's characteristics, you give a date idea you'd like to try, and go from there. You know, like, "How about we... go to the museum," or "How about we... drive to the lake and skip stones." The site launched in New York a while ago, and just recently expanded to Houston. I signed up.

There are currently six available dudes in the greater Houston area, which to my surprise goes as far as Austin, which is over two hours away. Only one of the six guys is in Houston proper. Here is his date proposal, verbatim thanks to the wonders of cut&paste:

"How about we... Between the ages of 20 and 35, tall, thin, very attractive, classy, fun, outgoing, sensual, intelligence, wit, humor, open, honest, real,"

It is no wonder to me that I am still single.

Some reasons why I should have been naturally selected against

Just rejoined Netflix and have already botched it. I'm getting Bones Season 1, discs 2 & 3. Awesome.

I have no excuse for the months-long hiatus. It will probably not be the last time, either. It's just how I roll.

Time for me to peace, yo.

Conversations I wish I could take back

Setting: Drinking with work friends outside.
Cast: Vanessa, somewhere between tipsy and more than tipsy; Homeless Teenager; Friends

Homeless Teen: Excuse me, could one of you spare some change?

Vanessa: Sorry, we don't have any change, but we have booze. Would you like some booze?

Homeless Teen: Um... I don't drink.

Vanessa: Oh. Well, we can't help you then.

Friends: [silence]

It's a posting bonanza!

More phrases that I find annoying (from an interoffice email):

"...please can you get in touch by return."

Issue #1: "Return" is not a form of communication that I'm familiar with. Perhaps it's akin to the carrier pigeon, and has gone extinct.

Issue #2: "please can you get in touch" is sufficient. Simple. Conveys the request.

To sum up: this phrase is both redundant and nonsense. F.

Under/Loaded statement of the day

From the Wikipedia article on Tropic Thunder, Ben Stiller's new movie:

"Owen Wilson was to have Matthew McConaughey's role in the film, but dropped out after his suicide attempt in August 2007."

It's almost like he dropped out because he remembered he had to take the trash out that day. But, you know, not.

Return from the Deep

Sorry for my long absence, oh faithful readers. In fact, I simply forgot I had a blog. You know, as you do.

But this tidbit, and a gentle reminder from Em, propelled me to return. From a story on CNN about how some people have used Spore's* Creature Creator** (if you don't understand all the words in that paragraph, you're not as nerdy as I am) has been used for less than innocent pursuits:

"But scrolling through the database -- past the three-legged sea horse, past the seven-eyed wildebeest and the half-motorcycle-half-pig -- revealed something many users didn't expect. Buried among the more wholesome attempts were two-legged dancing testicles, a "giant breast monster" and a four-legged, "phallic fornication machine," for starters."

What confuses me here is the line "something many users didn't expect." I mean, correct me if I'm being cynical, but I sort of assumed that anything that can be used for porn will be. Are these users Mormons? Or pathologically naive?

* Spore is a soon-to-be-released game in which, basically, you get to create your own life form and evolve it from a bacteria to something with a civilization.

** Creature Creator is a side project of Spore, which has been released and whereby people create their own creatures and can share them with the world.