I'll admit that I've signed up for an online dating service. It's a periodic weakness of mine that occurs whenever I'm having a hard time meeting interesting men. Usually, though, it only lasts for a month or two before I realize that there are just as many losers online as there are in bars/at parties.
This time is no exception. One classic example is the man, well beyond my stated desired age range, who emailed me not once, but three separate times to invite me out to beer, coffee, coffee. I stayed silent until Attempt 3, when I felt the only decent thing was to politely tell him that, while flattered, I didn't think we were a good match, and good luck in his search. The reasons for my assesment are, I think, patently obvious from his reply:
we have 21 things in common....
and i speak brazilian and italian...and german....
and punjabi...
so if were ever on a date , well never get stuck for saying hello to a
strage on our travels and my flat cobers 500 books and ive travelled
to 5 continents...so a coffee and see if we click...
oh i work in tv and like you am also very busy.
so i do appreciate you kind email and do hope you can take a risk and
see what magic come out of the unknown...
[name redacted]
xxxx
Oh, the problems with this email. Let's begin:
(1) The gibberish: your flat cobers 500 books? What? I can't even think of a grammatically acceptable word that "cobers" is close to that would be explained by a typo. Covers? Your flat covers 500 books? Still gibberish.
(2) Those of you who know me (and let's face it: if you're reading this, it's because you know me) know that I'm (kind of) anal when it comes to typos. Everyone makes mistakes, but this just goes beyond the pale.
(3) Not to mention, this is a guy who I said "No, thanks," to, and this is his attempt to convince me otherwise? You need to really go above and beyond in this situation. If this is his above and beyond, I'm highly unimpressed.
(4) Not shown here, but one of his turnoffs is sarcasm, and the other is tattoos. Again, problem obvious for people who know me, not only because these are two of my attributes, but also because they're two attributes that I get a kick out of in other people.
(5) "see what magic come out of the unknown" Again with the faulty grammar, but what? What kind of terrible esoteric nonsense is this?
And finally,
(6) "do hope you can take a risk" Who said anything about risk-taking? My response to him definitely did not. Last I heard, it wasn't a "risk" to go out for coffee with a complete lame-o. It's just a big fat waste of time.
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2 comments:
Do all of those ellipses signify text that you have edited out? Given his general illiteracy, I'm assuming not. But if not, I do not count twenty-one commonalities.
No, I left it completely in its unedited, unadulterated glory (save for name), complete with odd line spacings.
We'll note that he also apparently speaks the imaginary language of Brazilian. I thought they spoke Portuguese down there in Brazil. I was, apparently, mistaken.
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