More random lists of things, as I'm bored and have no real excitement going on.
Re: Men
Again with the crazies. I was recently contacted by a guy in China. Based on his photos, I don't believe him to be natively Chinese, but I also couldn't guarantee that English is his first language. Some gems from his profile:
- The last great book I read: "Bibble"
- The celebrity I resemble the most: "My sister wedding"
- Fill in the blank: _____ is sexy; _____ is sexier. "i am sexy"
In his email, he tells me that he's looking for someone to be his "africa queen," and is optimistic about the chances of a London-China long-distance relationship working:
"i no you lady may be thinking that he lives far away from me ...that is why i say though miles may lie between us, we're never far apart, for friendship doesn't count the miles, it's measured by the heart Tears in my eyes, you on my mind, love in my heart, oceans in-between Don't measure the distance; measure my love"
I told him I didn't think we were looking for the same thing, since I'm looking for someone (a) nearby, who (b) doesn't talk like a love song from the '80s, and who (c) understands that "my sister wedding" is not a celebrity, much less an entity that a human being can resemble.
Re: Things I did not previously care about, but have been told I should
I subscribe to Daily Candy, an email list informing the world of hot new items, like (usually extremely high end) clothing and fasion, new bars and restaurants, and other bizarre-yet-cool things online. Not infrequently, they recommend that I go out and buy a $280 cashmere t-shirt, or $700 scarf, and I go "HA!" and hit delete. However, they're now telling me that a part of my body which never sees the light of day should be bleached. I mean, god forbid my ***hole look like what it is. Maybe the goal is to fool people into believing you don't have one?
I should probably note here that this is not the first time I've heard of doing such a thing to my posterior; I read about it in a column once. Sadly, I cannot locate that column. But here's another funny, sort of regionally-related column by the man I suspect introduced me to the wide world of butt bleaching. Also, the Toto Washlet site* is hilarious. It should be paired with this gem: the Hawaii Chair, introduced to me by my friend Em.
*Please note: there is a lot of exposed backside on the Toto Washlet site. Nothing tasteless, of course. The Toto Washlet is at all times modest and happy.
Re: Funny Law Stuff
Here are some cool articles on funny law things:
- 20 Weirdest Court Cases
- 25 Odd Laws
Maybe that's enough for today.
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2 comments:
I thought surely, absolutely surely, any discussion of the Daily Candy bunghole bleach entry would include a reference back to the Daily Candy Pubic Hair Dye entry. (www.dailycandy.com/everywhere/article/27145/
The+Coloring+Box.
Sorry, comments won't accept my text linking efforts.)
But no. You have failed me, big time. I had to go search for said entry myself. (Which took much longer because I accidentally typed "public hair" which is quite a different set of hair, I think we'll all agree.) And I'm not talking about the Lame Daily Candy London Version. NO, my friend, no. That entry has no absurd euphemisms.
No, you have to go to the original NYC entry for use of such gems as "special no-no place," "fuzzy eclair" and "peepee teepee."
Augh! I'd forgotten all about the Pubic Hair Dye! Crap! You are right; I'm a failure.
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